One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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