dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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