I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
