If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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