the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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