I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
