love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
