so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
