guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
