as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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