I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
