I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
