I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
