Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
