I wish my penis had an off switch
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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