I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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