Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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