i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
