I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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