i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
