i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
