Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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