I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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