I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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