Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
