Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
