If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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