First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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