This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
