Me too!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
