i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
