I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
