also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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