her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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