bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
