At least make sure they are 18
Why
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
