I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
