if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
