put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
