"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
