splinters make it hard to masturbate
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
