Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
