She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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