new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
