its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Houston, we have a blender
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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