Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
