help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
