It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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