Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
