I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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