oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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